I always thought my dad had nine lives. Throughout his life, he survived a head-on collision, being hit by a car in a cross walk, and even shot (just to name a few). So when he passed away last month at the age of 58 from heart failure, it came as quite a shock. There is something about the finality of death that conjures up emotions in people they never knew they had. Perhaps for me, it's because it brings to the surface so many memories--more negative than positive--of the time we spent in this life together, the type of man he was, and the type of man I had so wished he'd become.
I guess you could say my dad was a rebel, which meant that asking him to conform to a traditional lifestyle as a husband and father was like trying to cage a wild bird. It just wasn't in his nature. Once I realized and accepted that about him, I was able to move forward in my life, with or without him.
Most of his life was spent fighting demons--one right after another it seemed. But he was also an intelligent man with a gift and passion for carpentry. A true master of his craft. In fact, I had always looked forward to the day when he might sit down with Eric and me to sketch out drawings for the house we would one day have custom built.
This past month, I've been grieving not the loss of my father because I did that many years ago. Rather, I'm grieving the loss of the person he will no longer have the opportunity to become. But like all things, it will get easier with time. More than anything, I'm just so thankful that my dad is finally--for once--at peace. As are my sister and I.
Ah Catrina! I've been trying to put my finger on what it is that amazes me so much about you - especially after hearing of your dad's passing and a little of his life. I think I've got it - you allow yourself to be healed. I've never met anyone as willing to forgive, even when it wasn't earned...it's inspiring.
My Wine Personality:
For the most part I’m a chardonnay, as I consider myself to exhibit a somewhat sunny and mellow disposition
(most of the time), but because I find a tremendous amount of joy out of showering my two kids with hugs and
kisses, I also possess the subtle sweetness often found in a riesling. But don’t be fooled. I love a great
outdoor adventure and am willing to try anything once. This occasional display of boldness is thought to match
that of a cabernet, whereas my appreciation for nature suggests that I have an earthy component to my personality—very
characteristic of a merlot.
“Wine rejoices the heart of man and joy is the mother of all virtues.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1771